When the Magic Stops Working
My work in the strip club is not a contradiction to my work in feminine shamanism and embodiment. In fact, it is a field laboratory.
I am studying power, projection, hunger, desire, money, boundaries, nervous system regulation, performance versus presence, sovereignty under the gaze — all in real life.
A woman who can stay embodied inside commodified eros without fragmenting is doing shamanic work in one of the most brutal classrooms available.
The invitation, the initiation, to choose presence over performance, sovereignty over collapse, pleasure over dissociation, has turned my work in the strip club into a rite of passage of feminine magic.
The magic in that place is real, palpable, and it works fast. As money, sex, and power always do when consciously chosen.
It is not a rite of passage in a temple, not in a safe and contained space that feels sacred and holy.
It is in the underground. Dense. Dark. Riddled with unconscious energy fields.
And paradoxically, deep magic, allure, playfulness, revelation, and power.
I returned to the club last month and worked three weeks back to back. And it took me deep again.
I lost myself. I forgot. And then I remembered.
This time the energy felt different upon my return. I went back for the golf crowd, which was meant to attract world class, sophisticated people. Yet what I encountered were low level drunks.
I did not feel connected. No one really caught my interest. And it was a sobering remembering — it is not always fun and play. Sometimes it is simply work.
If you have a customer you spend two hours with, he books you to entertain him and show him a good time, but he is boring or drunk and completely out of his body, it is hard work. Staying magnetic. Staying playful. Staying in the magic no matter where they are at.
But even worse is no customers at all.
Some nights were busy, yet I did not feel like talking to anyone. Still, I pushed myself. And I received no after no.
Why?
Because energy is felt.
I realize it over again – it is all energy work in the club.
When I underlyingly do not want to be there, when I am not having fun, when I am masking or feeling negative inside — customers feel it and the enchantment disappears. It becomes a woman trying.
That is also where I see the similarity between working in the club and being a soulpreneur.
It requires the same strength. The same remembrance. The same self belief and self reassurance.
The same attunement to know when to pause and reflect, and when to keep going.
But I forgot myself. And I did not pause.
I pushed harder, with no results. And the spiral pulled me deeper into comparison with other girls who were booked the whole night. Into unworthiness. Into losing touch with my womb and the Jaguar Priestess.
Comparison and unworthiness are thieves of our magic.
I was exhausted during the day. I stopped doing my energy practice. I reached for my phone first thing in the morning. I began questioning my work in the club.
Maybe this was simply showing me the low vibrational reality of working in the club. Maybe it was not Priestess work. Maybe I was better than this. Maybe this was not for me.
Yet my deepest Truth was this: it is okay to quit and never return if I do not want to. But I do not want to leave from a place of collapse. I want to leave from clarity.
So one morning, after working multiple nights until four in the morning, I gathered the last of my energy and said, enough.
I called in my allies and my feminine lineages. I did a deep shamanic clearing. I rooted back into my body and into the earth. I went to lie outside in the park with my womb resting on the ground beneath the trees.
And then I could see.
Where I had given away my power and sovereignty.
Where I slipped into pushing and comparison.
Where I lost focus of staying in my lane.
It is so easy to see from the outside. When you are inside it, everything feels blurry.
It is easy to skip the energy work when tired. Easy to say you will do it tomorrow. Easy to downplay it and say it does not even make that much difference.
But it does.
It changed everything for me. It reminded me how non negotiable my energetic and somatic alignment is. Not only in the club. In life.
The club is simply a dense, high intensity container where everything is accelerated. But truly, it reflects so many areas of life.
So I stayed. And I went back. But this time I felt clear.
I prioritized myself. I remembered to call in my allies. I stayed in my lane.
And things flowed. Easily. Magically.
I felt empowered. Abundant. Grateful.
(And yes, still very tired. Night shifts are real.)
And within that, I also felt complete at least for now. I will not return at least until the end of this year.
I remembered what I needed to remember.
And another piece revealed itself — one of the main reasons I am there is because of how much I love the art of erotic dance and sensual dressing, and how deeply I desire to bring that to women in an aligned container.
Which is already in the making.
I will speak more to this in the next revelation.
Xxx
Asherah
